If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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