Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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