Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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