Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
