The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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