my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
