Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
