tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
