guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
