YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
