Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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