Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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