So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
