just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My ass is underappreciated
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Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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