Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
