Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
