Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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