Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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