My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
