here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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