Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
