I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
