Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
