you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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