So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
