At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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