Please, let me fuck your mom
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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