I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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