there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
