i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
