You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
