she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
