I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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