i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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