North Korea, Best Korea!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
