he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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