i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
