I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
