can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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