i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
