That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
