I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
