pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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