I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
