Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
