My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
