Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
