8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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