It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He did a backflip because drugs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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