did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
