hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
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He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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