worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
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Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.