Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs