i think i have herpe
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot