Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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