i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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