exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
