So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
