If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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