I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
