my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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