im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you didnt know i had herpes?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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