god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
50% drunk capacity currently
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
