I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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