so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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